In the past, I was guided to walk away from a co-dependent relationship. The state of mind that I was at was the best choice. Recovery is hard enough. If you are co-dependent, this becomes multiple relapses. These relationships are addictions. It’s not healthy. If it’s abusive, then it is dangerous.
I am 41 human years today. I walked away from my current relationship. I was guided by my ancestors and spirit guides. I left. It became everything I thought would happen. That I used them. I let it go. His mom texted and texted my sons dad. It was a money issue. She became so cruel when I wouldn’t give info on her son. I have apologized many times. At her request. I apologize for my part. I’ve accepted that she won’t like me. It has nothing to do with me. I don’t take it personally.
I can see why I was guided to walk away. The next girlfriend was a homeless girl. It’s up in the air about truth. I believe they were together. He texted me a message of all she does that gets him mad. I told him he does that as well. He was rude and disrespectful to her. I don’t believe in degrading women. We talk. I told her to walk away. There’s no excuse for anyone to talk down on anyone. He needs to speak to you like he does me. *not a gloat* I feel many women think we are in competition. We are not. This guy and I have a history. Our healing depends on one another. We were not together. It’s been challenging.
I am a very positive and I can see when I am being lied to. He had others in his head tell me. Sounds bad. It was a dark time on Earth. I knew I saw something in his eyes when we first met. He has a lot of potential. He had anger. He was a narcissist. He would get people to hate me. He did this out of hurt. I have been through this before. I just walked away. I still cared. People don’t realize that sometimes stepping away is needed. I am happy I did.
My journey is some different subjects. It’s about Spirituality and Religion. I understand more now. I know who we are. We have been together a long time. The bodies we had have changed. Time at this stage was in reverse. It was my kids dad. This stage was different. I was so confused at who was who. I was in the 4D matrix. People said I am fragmented. I understand now. The kids dad missed his calling. I took it on. He was with our children.
I realized so much about my current life and his life. We are all a result of Cultural Genocide. This trauma literally shattered me again. As a baby, we have a story. The story behind it can be something we do not needed to know. We do, because it can show us how to stop it. I had Marvin to be there for me. He has been amazing in his support. He is caring. He does worry about others opinions. He did. This is my learning curve.
To have lives when we aren’t together. Addictions. I accept that. He wants to quit. I go to my sons house for detox. I will stay there until I get my RV. Then I’ll park there or near. I have been absent due to me thinking in time. It’s a prioritization of my time. I don’t need this anymore. It’s an issue with us together. I chose to leave the area. I am excited to create a small homestead. Enjoy the outdoors. My business is transitioning communities into self sufficient and sustainable communities. The key is Higher Conciousness. Lots of plans. I am excited. It feels really good to put a plan in motion that will align with the new Earth. It will also be less dependent on systems that do not benefit anyone. It’s not for profit. It’s run by everyone. No one banished. No one getting paid. We have more time for Family.
I acknowledge the posts on racism or division. It is losing its edge. I feel more confident providing a point of view that makes sense. It’s not being argumentative. Completing my family tree showed me we all come from the same person. Each day I see another person that asks questions for their journey.
In our relationship, he needs to be nice to others. We communicate. I know my reaction is silence when I’m upset. I am thinking about it. How I could have reacted. How I did react. I know it hurts him. It does scare me, his driving. Fear...why?
His friends complimented my work, but it’s the work he has done. We are mirrors of what we need to work on. I can’t tolerate disrespect of anyone. I need to remember he’s younger. He has had a lot of coddling. His situation plays a part in his reactions. It’s temporary. I remind him it’s good. I am having a hard time knowing what to say. I am thinking I need to be more supportive. Affection is hard.
Marriage had to be official. I thought of people. I felt the most aligned with Marvin. Later his healing will come back to his family. I have a lot of Faith. Seeing him on FB. Seeing him in Marvin. It’s the eyes. It’s familiar. He’s like the times with the kids dad. Their dad doesn’t remember.
I am focused on working together. I cut him off. I’ll work on that. I feel pretty secure. I don’t think it was the girl sleeping here, but not telling me. We didn’t discuss it. He wants to help. I gave advice too soon. Our views are very skewed. We have to see where we are before the advice. I really held back recently because I wasn’t sure.
I will get in routine. I was observing.
A relationship is two people that work together. I want my mom to be better. They are the same lineage. It will heal my mom. I have moved up. A lot of people are not used to this version. I drank. I did obtain my Masters of Science of Accountancy. I hate multiple choice so no CPA.
I will write often. This helps with a dialogue. I grateful for him. I don’t say it. I should. He works hard to make me happy. That’s all that matters. I respect that.
Throw me in a crowd of strangers and I’m good.
Throw me in a crowd with my man and I should be good.
Working on it. ♾
No comments:
Post a Comment